The Bible speaks very strongly about unforgiveness. It does not say that what happened to us was okay or that we must ignore wrongdoing. Instead, it teaches us to release the debt to God, forgive others, and guard our hearts from bitterness. 1. Jesus directly commands us to forgive Matthew 6:14–15 “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Jesus connects our willingness to forgive with our relationship with God. 2. Forgive because God forgave you Ephesians 4:31–32 “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” Notice the progression: bitterness → anger → malice can grow if we hold onto an offense. God tells us to put it away and forgive. 3. Do not allow bitterness to take root Hebrews 12:15 “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” Unforgiveness can become a root of bitterness. A root may be hidden, but eventually its fruit becomes visible. 4. Forgiveness is not based on how you feel Colossians 3:13 “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” The standard isn't, “They deserve forgiveness.” The standard is, “As Christ forgave you.” 5. Jesus tells us to forgive repeatedly Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who sins against him. Matthew 18:21–22 “Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.” Jesus wasn't giving Peter a mathematical limit. He was teaching that forgiveness should not be measured by keeping a score. 6. Forgiveness does NOT mean pretending nothing happened The Bible also teaches justice and accountability. Romans 12:19 “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” You can forgive someone while still establishing boundaries, seeking justice, or refusing to put yourself back into a harmful situation. Forgiveness means: “I release my right to personally repay you for what you did. I place it in God's hands.” 7. Jesus gave us the ultimate example Even while being crucified, Jesus said: Luke 23:34 “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” If Jesus could pray for forgiveness while suffering injustice, His followers are called to learn that same heart of forgiveness. 8. Unforgiveness can affect our relationship with God Mark 11:25 “And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Jesus brings forgiveness directly into our prayer life. The important distinction Forgiveness does not mean: What they did was acceptable. You have to trust them again. You must stay in an abusive relationship. You cannot have boundaries. There should be no consequences. You must forget what happened. Biblical forgiveness means: I choose not to live in bitterness. I give the judgment and vengeance to God. I forgive as Christ forgave me, and I allow God to deal with the person and the situation. One of the clearest verses to remember is: Ephesians 4:32 — “forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” Forgiveness is not saying “it didn't hurt.” It is saying “it hurt, but I refuse to let what happened control my heart.” Also, if you don't forgive the person who hurt you, that hurt can spill over into the people you love. For example, if you are angry with your ex-husband, ex-wife, mom, dad, or someone else, your relationships with the people around you can suffer because your attitude changes when you carry anger and bitterness. You may not notice it, but the people you love will, and eventually they may distance themselves from you. So forgive—not only for them, but so that you can heal and not push away the people you love. Trust God, and if you need counseling, attend a Christian church and get the help you need. What has helped me is praying for the people who have hurt me, even when I don't feel like it. I pray and ask God to bless them. Over time, God works in my heart, and I no longer feel the same anger toward them. That doesn't mean I have to go to their house and have tea with them. 😂 It means I can move forward with my life without carrying the anger. I continue to pray for them until the anger is gone. Tell God, “I forgive them, even though I don't feel it yet. Please bless them and heal my heart.” When we surrender our hurt to God, He can work in our hearts in ways we cannot do on our own.